How can I tell you
by Royalistic
Summary: Set around 'Can't buy me love' with a few twists and turns along the way!
1. Chapter 1

A/N:: Bits in _italics_ are flashbacks. Enjoy! Some old characters feature in this, about time they got an airing. References to the episode "Can't buy me love".

He hated the dark. The children were all tucked up in their beds, the rain hammering down outside, curtains blowing in the wind. The house was eerily silent now. For the first time in a long time, he was alone. The house was his tonight, allowing him plenty of time to think. Reflect on the day's events. So he sat, in silence, a glass of whisky on the table infront of him, the half empty bottle next to that. His only comfort. He glanced up at the photos on top of the fireplace, their wedding photo sitting proudly in the middle, with Jill looking lovingly at him. They were happy.

He cast his mind over the day's events. It hardly started off well. They argued. Again. Over something, he now realised, was so trivial yet it clearly meant a lot to her. He wished he could have done more. Thinking back now, he realised how he wasn't supportive enough. She was right. The truth, he had discovered, hurt.

_Breakfast time. Always chaotic. Tom and Katie were to be got ready and taken to school. Jonathon needed feeding, and now an impromptu visit from Henry. He could see she was stressed. Yet all he did was glance over the newspaper and bite into a slice of toast she'd made. He tried to explain that he'd attempted to contact Henry, yet there was no answer. "When was the last time I had a morning off? Now I've got to make up the spare room, Jonathon needs reclothing in 2 hours and need to buy more food. Anyway... why is he coming in term time? Tom and Katie will be at school, what on earth is he going to do all day?" Nothing. Gordon simply said nothing constructive. Avoiding the subject altogether, much to her annoyance._

Now, he was alone. A light left on in the corner. The rest of the house was now in complete darkness. The house which now, seemed much bigger than he originally thought. A very lonely place indeed.

_He was putting his coat on, leaving Jill with a mountain of jobs to do. So much for her well deserved morning off, which in itself was a rarity. She very rarely had enough time off to do anything for herself. He'd left her to it, no apologies, no offers of help, despite Jill becoming increasingly stressed. She'd even thrown a tea towel on the table in frustration "I could scream. And I could certainly scream at you Gordon Ormerod." No reaction. Just a 'sorry'. Nothing more. He'd even left his washing up for her to do. He wasn't sure how she'd be when they met at work later that day. _

Henry was asleep upstairs, having retired for the night, the long drive from Bournemouth yesterday having taken it's toll. No one could have foreseen his awful news, the reason for his stay. He'd broken the news to Gordon, who was going to speak to Jill when the time was right. Jill had also had a conversation with Henry, revealing how she felt, which upset him greatly.

_They sat, enjoying each others company. Jill placing her glass down on the table. Henry noticed the sadness in her eyes. She looked tired. "You may have sensed that I erm... truth is Henry, we're going through a pretty rough patch at the moment." Henry looked at her adoringly. "I'm sorry to hear that. I've always thought that you and Gordon are very well suited, and provide a loving, stable family home for my grand-children". She couldn't look at him, not realizing that he already guessed she wasn't happy. The sadness in her eyes all too apparent. "Doesn't always feel like that." Henry reassured her once more, placing his hand on her knee. "Look, if it's easier, I can find a B&B for my stay" "No, no I wouldn't dream of it. I do have to go now though. Please, make yourself at home." She stood, getting herself ready to meet Jonathon at the park._

Lots of thoughts raced through his head. Like the last time he told her he loved her. That was a while ago. Jill often said it, even cancelling a dreaded dinner with Adam to spend a, not-so-posh evening in with her husband. An evening they both enjoyed hugely. He vowed to do that more often. Now his world had been turned upside down.

_He sat at the dinner table, opposite Henry. He'd loved Henry's visits, as did Tom and Katie. They were very close to their grandfather, and enjoyed spending time with him, as it often meant getting out of school for lunch, or trips to the park. Only now the mood had changed. Jill had passed on the wine and gone to bed early, which was most unusual for her. This left Henry and Gordon alone to talk. He had news. "I had an x-ray last week. I have cancer of the stomach. They tell me it's inoperable." Gordon's heart sank. He'd known Henry for a long time. He was family. "I'm so sorry Henry." Henry smiled, looking at his glass of brandy. "Don't be. I'm booked into a lovely hospice, and I'm determined to enjoy every brandy.." He raised his glass "As if it were my last." Gordon raised his glass, not knowing how to react. Henry meant a lot to him, to them all. Jill was like another daughter to him._

He wanted her home. There were things he wanted to say. Tell her Henry's devastating news. He'd resorted to clock watching. She often worked late. Seeking his permission first to do so, his approval meaning a lot to her. Things he wished he'd done. Henry's optimism and positivity was admirable, given his condition. He'd never been a person to want much fuss. The children weren't to know. That, he knew. The Royal's perilous situation, combined with Henry's illness and Jill's night at the Royal was forcing Gordon to think.

The clock on the mantelpiece struck 12. He was to be up in 6 hours, the start of another day. Same old routine. Children to take to school. Work to go to. Meetings to attend. It was time, he'd decided, to retire for the evening. For tomorrow, he had lots to do. Things to say, including those three words he hadn't said to her in a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Still rather unsure what the plan is with this, but here goes!

The Royal at night. The wards were now silent, submerged in darkness, with only a solitary light in the middle of the ward. There was only a small band of nurses working that night. The rest having retired back to the nurses home, due to return in the morning. The corridors were dimly lit, allowing the staff to float between wards, carrying out their tasks with ease. However, for 2 doctors, their work was far from done, despite the late hour.

It was now midnight. Everyone was settled in their beds, sleeping. The only exception was maternity, which was now a hive of activity. An emergency admission, had forced them to stay. A premature labour, which called on Jill's specialist knowledge, and Mike's role as an anaesthetist, meant they both worked long into the night, doing everything they possibly could to ensure a happy outcome.

They relished the chance to work together, as they often found themselves in different parts of the hospital for prolonged periods, only meeting when the opportunity arose. Mike was often out on house calls, or assisting Mr Rose in theatre, Jill ran casualty, out on house calls or gracing the wards. She was incredibly popular with staff and patients alike, her surgeries and clinics often full. Now, she was doing what she did best. After all, she knew how problematic premature labours can be.

She hated working overnight, each time she sought permission from Gordon, his reassurance. He often told her to get some sleep, however tonight, she knew was going to be a long one.

2am. Jill was getting tired, yet her work wasn't over yet. Instead she'd just delivered a baby, a little girl. Born too soon, she knew her priority now was the child. Mike was left the task of settling and monitoring the mother, as Jill, with help from Sister Brigid and Matron, arranged a transfer to Ashfordly General, Mike promising a nice cup of tea on their return. Much needed.

The journey to Ashfordly General seemed to take much longer than usual. It was pitch black outside, with little way of knowing where they were. She drove, ever so carefully, with Sister Brigid cradling the tiny infant, watching her every move, ensuring she was warm enough, talking to her softly. Jill felt somewhat responsible for her, wanting the transfer to be as smooth and stress free as possible for everyone. She'd done transfers before. Never something she liked very much.

They were guided in to the premature baby unit, Jill still cradling the tiny baby, handing information over to the team of doctors and nurses, now responsible for her care. The incubator was all ready for her arrival. She'd never liked the handover, particularly as the mother was still at The Royal, unaware of her child's transfer. She would join her as soon as Mike deemed her strong enough and ready for the move. The staff listened intently to Jill as she placed the tiny baby in the dimly lit incubator, they liked and respected Jill, having got to know her well over the last few years. She was always welcome, a fountain of knowledge, loving the change of scenery, if only brief. Wishing the child luck, she took one last look at her, before leaving, heading back to the Royal.

They eventually arrived back, having stayed at Ashfordly longer than expected. She'd promised to ring in a few hours to see how the baby was progressing, Sister Brigid quietly praying for her good health. She was determined to get back to her ward, having left it with Matron. They were welcomed in reception by Mike, who had made them both a much welcomed cup of tea, allowing Jill a chance to sit down and have a break, whereas Sister Brigid was keen to return to Milner once she'd finished her drink. This gave Mike and Jill a chance to unwind, before starting again later.

"So" Mike placed his mug down on the table, "How was the transfer?"

"As well as can be expected, she's all settled and they'll ring in a few hours with an update. I'm hopeful." She wrapped her hands round the mug, still warm.

"That's good. Well done today"

"Thank you. You weren't too bad either" She managed a weak smile, her eyes heavy and now ready to settle down for the night, for their day began again in a few hours time. Starting with morning surgery, then for Jill, she had house rounds, then her antenatal clinic in the afternoon. Mike, also had morning surgery, then assisting Mr Rose, which in itself demanded a professional presence.

"You look tired. Why don't you get some sleep?" Jill rubbed her eyes, before trying her hardest to stop a yawn. The time on the clock on the wall above them read 3:45am.

"You sure?"

"Yes, everyone's settled. Go on, I'll wake you if I need you"

"Ok. Thank you" She stood, and slowly walked off to her consulting room, kicking off her shoes, hanging up her coat and jacket, and tried to make herself comfortable on her couch, hoping to get some sleep. Rearranging the pillows, the cotton sheet so it was all in the right place, she finally succumbed, her eyes closing, relaxing for the first time that day...


End file.
